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By Elisabeth Ridenour
I'm sure you've heard motivation gurus say that growth is just outside your comfort zone. But why would we want to feel discomfort when we could stay in this cozy area that even has "comfort" in the name?
Image by Lisa Fotios from Pexels
Many behavioral and psychological theories explain why many of us stay in familiar situations, even if we are unhappy. Still, no one theory can account for every explanation of the human experience. Each of us is shaped by a unique combination of mind, body, spirit, and environment, making our individual experiences highly subjective. Because of this, in this blog post, I will share my own journey in this area and the techniques that have helped me change my perspective to believe that learning to embrace discomfort is essential for growth.
One of the most poignant circumstances I have encountered since leaving my twenty-year job at a bank has been frequently facing uncomfortable new situations. Although I had a few different positions during those years, the bottom line was the same. I worked with many of the same people, ate lunch at the same places, and had the same conversations. I became stagnant and increasingly unhappy. However, this was not enough for me to leave because having a job, a steady paycheck, and doing what was expected of me felt safe. It's not that I had not encountered uncomfortable situations before or during my years as a bank employee, but not having what I thought was the financial safety net I had had my whole adult life took discomfort to a whole new level.
Image by Daniel Reche from Pixabay
When the stress of my job became unsustainable and began affecting my health, I finally left (it took me over three years to take the leap). Even though I was unhappy and unfulfilled at that job, and I was excited and hopeful that the right path would appear as soon as I had stepped into it, leaving the "safety" of the well-known, felt as if suddenly, the ground beneath my feet was gone. I was face to face with the unknown that expanded in all directions: I had no idea how to create a business and everything needed to run one; I was not even clear as to what I wanted to focus on, what my offering would be. Even the identity ("responsible adult employee") I had worn my whole adult life was gone.
When the "safety" of the only life I had known was gone, the not-entirely conscious beliefs I had about myself surfaced: "I have nothing of value to offer", "I am not good at anything," "No one will like my art," "No one will want to read my blog or short stories," "I am not good enough to compete with established, younger artists,", and "I am terrified of being seen", among other similar versions. These beliefs branched into many hindrances that impeded any progress, including vital aspects such as learning business stuff, creating my website and this blog, marketing, and even making art.
Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay
The stress was building up again, and I was miserable. I dreaded each new day because I knew I'd be faced with many unknowns. I feared failure and disappointing the few people who believed in me (especially my husband, Lowell), but still, I avoided everything that felt uncomfortable as much as I could manage.
Like so many, I had dreamed of quitting my job for several years, and when I finally had the golden opportunity to do so, I was consumed by a whole array of new stresses, fears, and resistance. One day, a thought popped into my mind, "You were miserable at your job, and you are miserable now that you got to be on your own." That simple but profound observation made me realize that if I wanted to move forward, I would have to change my perspective about discomfort and fear. After all, aren't most things we have ever done uncomfortable before we had done them for the first time? Walking, speaking, going outside, learning to drive, drawing, painting, etc., just about everything we do now was at some point new and uncomfortable.
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A serendipitous trip to the bookstore led me to the book Feel The Fear... And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. This best-seller helped me change my perspective and understand that growth happens when we stretch and expand outside our comfort zone. We become more resilient and uncover strengths we might not have known we had.
I started practicing what I had learned in this and other books and devised my own process, which has helped me, over time, to learn to step out of my comfort zone intentionally. I am convinced that perspective is everything. Instead of feeling victimized by having to be in uncomfortable new situations (or worse yet, avoiding them altogether), I decided to start looking at these as opportunities or even adventures.
Before outlining my process, I want to distinguish between fear and intuition. Emotions such as fear and discomfort with new situations are part of human beings and have served us as survival tools for thousands of years. The issue appears when this fear or discomfort is disproportionate to the situation and stops us from reaching our full potential. Although there are general guidelines, learning how intuition and fear manifest for you is essential.
Think of a time when you "just knew" something would happen. What did it feel like? For many, intuition feels like alignment, a deep, calm knowing, even if paired with reluctance to move forward. Fear may feel like rushing thoughts, muscle tightness, general anxiety, or shallow breathing. Practicing body awareness exercises could help you with this.
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My Step-by-Step Process to Embrace Discomfort for Growth
I've created a free PDF guide with the above steps that you can download and print:
· Practice mindfulness to recognize self-talk, beliefs, biases, and behavior patterns. Awareness is at the foundation of any kind of personal growth. On the PDF guide or your journal, write your observations.
· Write down the areas you would like to focus on. For instance, you would like to join a painter's Meetup group, be more outspoken, make new friends, etc.
· Check your resistance. Reflect on what has stopped you from doing these things. What are the underlying beliefs that prevented you from taking action? Using the example of wanting to join a painter's Meetup, what has stopped you from doing so? Be specific. Instead of just saying “Fear”, expand as to what it is you are afraid of. For example, “I’m afraid that if I join a painter’s group, people will harshly judge my work,” or "I'm not good enough yet."
· Set goals beyond your current skill level or comfort zone and commit to work consistently toward achieving them. Start small, but make sure your goals are challenging. Continuing with the same example, your first goal may be something like "I will share my art on social media for two weeks". Once your goal starts to feel comfortable, set another goal, for instance, "I will join a Facebook painters’ group and commit to being active for two weeks." Again, once you feel comfortable, progress to another challenge. The next goal could be to contact a local painters' group and ask if you can attend a couple of meetings as an observer. The last goal would be to finally start painting with the group.
· Celebrate your progress. Recognizing progress motivates you and reinforces that stepping outside your comfort zone brings rewards.
This process also applies to our artistic endeavors. The possibilities are endless. Just to name a few suggestions:
· For instance, if you are comfortable with graphite drawings, try charcoal or painting in color. You may find that learning color theory and color mixing are challenging, yet rewarding subjects.
· Another option is trying different mediums. I have tried oils, watercolors, gouache, ink, pastels, and acrylics and found that each has different properties and capabilities. Watercolors, for me, are outside my comfort zone, especially a type of powdered watercolor called Brusho. Although beautiful and versatile, these pigments will not only take you outside of your comfort zone but are also an exercise in letting go and experimenting.
· Try different substrates and mediums
· Experiment with using different objects to apply paint rather than just paintbrushes and knives
· Try different subjects. People's portraits are perhaps the most challenging subject I've tried so far.
· Showing your work before it's completed or even if it did not turn out as you had expected.
Conclusion
As artists, our willingness to explore discomfort can reveal layers of creativity we never knew we had. Discomfort isn't a sign of weakness or inadequacy; it is a completely normal human reaction to a novel situation. Each time we step into the unknown, we build resilience and become stronger and more confident.
So, lean in the next time you feel the prick of discomfort. Embrace it as a guide, as the compass pointing you toward growth, and remember that on the other side of that discomfort lies a more courageous version of you.
Feel free to leave me a comment and share how you deal with discomfort.
Further suggested reading:
* Feel The Fear ...And Do It Anyway, Jeffers, PhD, Susan.
Great post. Can't wait to check out that book recommendation!
Very well laid out post. Insightful, clearly defined, and full of wisdom. Thank you.