Embracing the Inner Critic: A Guide to Overcoming Creative Paralysis

Picture this: you found the courage to take out your art supplies, notebook, laptop, piece of marble, whatever your medium may be. And then, as you get ready to start working, you hear a familiar loud voice in your head: "Who are you trying to fool?", "You suck!", "You better do something useful with your life!", "Who do you think you are?" and many other variations of the same disempowering message.

Many creative souls wrestle with that voice inside their heads. The dreaded inner critic.

This post will guide you through my personal experience of moving from creative paralysis to seeing my inner critic as a valuable companion in personal growth. Additionally, I will discuss effective methods for changing and enhancing your interaction with your inner critic to overcome creative paralysis.

My personal experience with creative paralysis due to inner critic

The inner critic is that voice in our heads that often feels relentless. It questions our abilities, critiques our choices, and casts doubt on our creativity. This nagging presence can be traced back to childhood experiences, societal expectations, or even past failures.

My first memory of my inner critic was at seven years old (1980), although I didn't realize this until many years later. I was in the first grade, and the teacher instructed us to draw three interlaced circles with a compass, like a Ven Diagram. Then, she instructed us to paint each circle with our tempera, each in a different primary color. The idea was that the primary colors would become secondary where the circles overlapped.

However, the tempera we used was a watery liquid paint that came in little bottles, and our support was regular notebook paper.

I drew the circles as instructed, but once I started to paint the circles, the paint started to run outside the lines. I tried to straighten the circle border, but the runny nature of the paint, paired with my lack of coordination, only made the paint run further. The more I tried to correct, the bigger the circles and the bigger the mess.

As an introverted, awkward, and misguided child, I started to panic. I imagined all my classmates had painted perfect circles. I became so agitated by this monumental failure that I had to go home.

This painful experience became ingrained in my mind. For many years, despite my early love for drawing or painting, I dreaded anything related to it.

When I finally decided to explore drawing again many years later, in 2014, my inner critic, whom I named Ruth, resonated in my head as if it had a megaphone.  

Ruth's voice was stern, highly critical, and even cruel. I envisioned her as a Victorian lady in a stiff, long black dress with her hair up in a perfect bun.

To make her go away, I tried fighting, telling her off, and even ignoring her, but nothing worked.

Using IFS: Explanation of the Internal Family Systems approach and how it helped me in befriending my inner critic

I discovered the Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach during a particularly challenging phase with Ruth. This therapeutic model views the mind as a system of various parts, each with its own role and voice.

Through IFS, I learned to identify Ruth not as an adversary but as a protector. She had been trying to shield me from failure and disappointment, albeit through harsh judgment.

This shift in perspective was liberating. Instead of fighting against her constant negativity, I began to engage in dialogue. By asking questions about her intentions and fears, I could see her vulnerability and understand why she was so critical.

By embracing this method, I created space for compassion within myself. Gradually, our relationship transformed into one of collaboration rather than conflict—allowing creativity to flourish instead of being stifled by fear.

IFS also helped me to acknowledge and connect with other parts of myself that Ruth's dominant voice had overshadowed. These parts included my inner child, my wise inner leader, and many others.

Working with these parts, I discovered that each one had its own unique perspective and valuable contributions to make. By giving them attention and validation, I could integrate their qualities into my overall sense of self, leading to greater harmony and balance within me.

One of the most powerful tools in IFS is the concept of "unblending" from a part. This involves stepping back from our identifying with a particular part or emotion and recognizing it as separate from our core self. By doing this, we can cultivate a sense of curiosity towards our parts rather than being consumed by them.

Through practice, I learned to unblend from Ruth's critical voice and observe her without being overwhelmed by her intensity. This allowed me to connect with my true self at the core – a place of calmness and clarity where all parts are welcome.

Building a Relationship with Your Inner Critic: Tips and techniques for befriending your own inner critic

1.        Start by acknowledging your inner critic. If you like, name it. Don't fight it, though. Remember that resistance will only make it persist.

2.        Once you identify your inner critic's voice, unblend from it, and establish a dialog. Listen to what it has to say; what is it trying to protect you from?

3.        Practice self-compassion. When that voice chimes in with negativity, counter it with kindness. Remind yourself of your strengths and past successes.

4.        Try journaling your thoughts. Write down what the inner critic says and explore its origins. This can unveil patterns that help you understand its role in your life.

5.        Engage in creative play without judgment. Allow yourself to create freely, even if it's messy or imperfect. In fact, making this a consistent practice is highly beneficial for uncovering subconscious patterns, fears, and limiting beliefs (more on this in another blog post).

6.        Take a break from comparing yourself to others. Instead of constantly striving for perfection, focus on your own unique journey and celebrate your progress and growth.

7.        Practice assertiveness when your inner critic becomes too loud. Gently thank it for its input, but remind it that you are in control of your own choices and decisions.

Ruth has not entirely disappeared, but she is seldom around. She is usually back when I try something new, but instead of harsh judgment, like, for example, "You suck at this; you should quit!" She says something like, "Ok, this doesn't look great, but what about trying again or finding another way to approach it?"

Changing my relationship with Ruth has been a game-changer. I am able to keep moving forward despite fear and self-doubt. I 'm able to take more risks, embrace challenges, and grow as a person and artist. Ruth and I have found a way to work together, and in doing so, I’ve discovered a new level of creative freedom.

If you struggle with your own inner critic, I encourage you to try a similar approach. Remember that this is a process, and it will take time. Acknowledge its presence, listen to what it has to say, and find a way to transform it from a hindrance into an ally. By doing so, you can unlock your full potential and create a life that’s guided by courage, creativity, and growth.

I'd love to hear from you! Leave me a comment about how you deal with your inner critic.

Recommended further reading:

Self-Therapy: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness Using IFS, by Jay Earley.